Stop Over-sacrificing For Others

Excessive sacrifice for others, or a phenomenon known as “Wendy Syndrome,” has its roots in today’s psychology.

Although this syndrome is not identified as a disorder in the textbooks of diagnostic psychology, it does address certain issues that can be seen clinically as requiring treatment.

If you focus your existence on taking care of another person, you are causing yourself a slow-moving process of self-destruction. Loss of self-esteem or extreme physical and mental exhaustion can easily drive you into depression.

There have been several archetypes in the classical literature, even based on reality, which are helpful in describing this behavior. “Wendy Syndrome,” “Peter Pan Syndrome,” “Othello Syndrome,” and “Lisa in Wonderland Syndrome” are all disorders, problems, and behaviors in which the phenomena described as fiction can be observed in real human relationships.

Continuous sacrifice and the need for it would seem to be the most common of these phenomena.

Many women have this need, but not because it would be forced. They feel this way because  they have seen the same thing happen for generations and thus experience this way themselves.

It is thought that a person who takes care of another and serves him loves. If you give yourself to another, this seems like an exceptional way of loving. Sometimes, however, it is easy to forget one thing, namely this: the person who gives also deserves to receive.

At this point, then, some problems begin to emerge, namely, emotional contradictions and grief. This time, we’ll talk about it in more detail, and we invite you to think more deeply about a topic called excessive need-sacrifice in human relationships.

Wendy syndrome, i.e., increasing self-denial

This syndrome, as we have already mentioned, comes from today’s psychology. Its symptoms are very clear:

• You think that loving is above all about serving another person.
• For a long time, these types of relationships can actually feel good. This is how you understand love.
• You don’t care at the very beginning that other people don’t care about you as much. You only know that your partner is your loved one and feels good. That way, you too will feel good.
• You are doing this because the people around you would not be angry or out of your mind. You try to promote external balance, but at the same time you forget your own balance.
• Gradually,  you will find that others consider every effort and action you take to be “normal”. This can progress to the point where others become tyrannical and demanding.

If you think you have this syndrome, pay attention to some things you should change in your life. We will tell you more about these in the following.

Sacrifice is not love, but love is giving and receiving

Many have been raised within the idea that in order to love, you need to let go of certain things in order to make the relationship solid. If you want another person for yourself, you have to “put up with” many things. Sacrifice is a mandatory evil.

You may also have been led to believe that you have to say “yes” even if you want to say “no”. You start to prioritize other people at your own expense.

If you have internalized these ideas into your own way of thinking, you will begin to disintegrate as the burden presses on your shoulders:

• Love is not about giving up.  If you give up, you will only become a victim of yourself.
• In a loving relationship, we are mature and aware. Of course, both parties should give, but it is also important to get.
• Love is about forming a team and coordinating strengths, interests, and needs.
• In Wendy Syndrome, there is always one person who gives and another who receives. One wins and the other gradually loses.
• The big problem is that the  person  doesn’t even realize the situation. At the beginning of a relationship, you feel happy when you care about the other, take care of him, and serve him in every detail. This allows you to maximize the well-being of that person.
• However, after months or years, you will start to notice that something is wrong. Sacrifice is a habit. Eventually, you will be taken for granted, you will not be valued, and you will be demanded more and more.

You cannot allow yourself to fall into this difficult and unfortunate trap.

How can you focus on other types of emotional relationships

Our first and most important piece of advice on this is this:  never be anything but yourself. Do this no matter how much you love the other party. If you don’t, sooner or later it will happen that frustration, discomfort, and a feeling of unhappiness will come to the fore.

Caring, protecting, giving, denying yourself certain things… These are OK, but your partner should also take care of you, give you things, and deny yourself something for you. Despite all this, however, remember one thing:  self-denial should only happen if it is about the common good of the parties to the relationship.

• Don’t apologize for something that is not your responsibility.
• The biggest fear that struggles with this syndrome is that they will be rejected. So in order to prevent this from happening, you might do your best (the situation should never be allowed to go to this extreme).
• You should learn to be happy on your own. Enjoy your own company so much that you know that if you are left alone, your world will not end there.
• Also, learn to correct your own thought patterns, and do so, especially for patterns that bring you suffering. This will make it easier for you to create new emotions that will make you stronger and less sacrifice.
• Get yourself out of perceptions like these: “If I care more about this person, he will love me more,” “It is better that I give up on this thing so that the other person can see how much I love him”.

• Stop projecting all your hopes, desires and energy into another person. Do this only to the extent that it is fair. You deserve my love, and I deserve your respect.

Remember, there must be dignity in love. So never accept a situation that is less than this – Learn to get and fight for your own personal dignity.